Goodbye, Soldier

Today was a sad day.  Today an American soldier was laid to rest.  No, he did not die in battle but he left a piece of himself behind in Vietnam.  He was a good man with a big heart.  He was a son, a father, a brother, and an uncle.  He loved animals, children, his family, his country, and most of all, his son.  His son was his pride and joy and his reason for living.  I’m thankful that he lived to see him graduate from college and get get engaged.

I never had the pleasure of knowing him before he went to Vietnam;  I only knew him after.  He was always quiet, reserved, and very private.  I never heard him say an unkind word about anyone.  His love of books and reading was profound and he instilled that love in me and my sister at a young age.  I remember him saying that books could take you anywhere, let you experience anything, and open your mind.  How right he was.  Last year alone I read over 50 books.  My enthusiasm for reading started with him.  He also loved his fish.  I don’t remember a time that he didn’t have at least two aquariums. His passion for salt water aquariums was almost contagious.  I’ll never be able to watch a clown fish frolic and play in an anemone without smiling and thinking of him.

The man I knew struggled with PTSD, alcoholism, and depression but he never once complained or laid his troubles on anyone else.  He was a good man, broken by war.  It is such a shame that a man who gave so much of himself for his country had to have such a sparse and paltry memorial service.  He led a simple life with little need for material possessions or wealth.  His family has lived a life of poverty and struggle as well.  I find it shameful that our government could not provide a proper burial for one of its sons.  His ashes will be scattered along one of his favorite creek banks and placed on his father’s grave.  I’m sure he would have liked that.  His family was able to say goodbye to him today.  Time will heal the heartache, but he will not be forgotten.

Rest in peace, Uncle Herman.

Herman Jones Nov 3, 1950- Dec 23, 2011


A Woman…

A friend of mine shared this with me.  It is powerful and I wanted to share it with you.



A woman is not to be invaded. She is not to be questioned or conquered.
This has been said a million times. Let’s say it a million and one.
She is to be loved.
That’s it. It sounds so simple It’s simple, but it’s not necessarily easy.
Do you want the body of a woman? If you invade it, you may have it.
But it will be an empty shell.
If you want her heart, that is another story. If you want her heart, you will be blessed with all the riches of the world. And you will get her body, too.
If you want her heart, you must be patient You must love her love her love her
Hold her, because you love her. Not to get anything.
Touch her, because you adore her. Not to get anywhere. Not to accomplish.
Listen to her, because you are devoted. Because you care.
At some moment known only by God, her heart will begin to open towards you.
Stand strong. She may not be accustomed to it.
No one has loved her like this. She didn’t know what would happen.
There is much fire there. She needs your strength. You need your strength.
THIS is why men are strong. Not to invade. Not to conquer. Not to battle or defend.
To handle the fire of passion when they fan it.
To stand strong when The Ocean comes to call.
To Stay when they begin to dissolve in the elemental rawness of the Divine Feminine.
By: Terri Plewa

It’s not about YOU

Some people don’t like me. Some people are rude, ignore me to my face, and say things behind my back that are untrue.  Ya know what? I really don’t care.  I have a plan and I’m following it.  I am driven.  I am determined.  I do not intentionally try to make anyone else look bad or feel bad about themselves.  If someone is offended in my presence, it’s most likely because they are having to take a long hard look at themselves.  I work HARD to achieve my goals.  I study hard to be a 4.0 GPA student.  If I don’t understand something, I don’t mind asking questions.  To some, I may look “stupid” for asking those questions.  In my mind, even if I embarrass myself a little, I’m learning.  I will not forget what I’m being told at that moment.  In my mind, if I don’t know the answer, then likely, someone else doesn’t either.  Even if they were too embarrassed to ask, or admit that they do not know, they are learning as well, at my expense.  I am inquisitive by nature.  I ask questions.  I do not mean to offend anyone, I just want clarity.  I am a straight-forward person.  I speak my mind.  Since when is it wrong in our society to speak up about something or ask questions?  When it offends others.  Well wake up people!  The world does NOT revolve around YOU.  Stop being so damned over-sensitive.  If I’m wrong, I’m the first person to admit it and appologize when needed.  I am not perfect.  I am not always right.  I am not the smartest person in the room.  I don’t know everything.  But I want to.  My thirst for knowledge and understanding may never be quenched.  Until that time, I will continue to push ahead, I will continue to ask questions, I will continue to study, and I will continue to work as hard as I can to be the best that I can.

To the people trying to stand in my way:  This isn’t about YOU.  This is about ME.  I will smile and love you the way God has taught us to love one another.  But do not misunderstand my friendliness and love for weakness.  I want everyone around me to succeed.  I am not competing with anyone at this stage in my life.  I simply want to continue on my path at break-neck speed.  Either come along with me or get the hell out of my way.  If you have nothing better to do than gossip about me and spread the lies that are being told, then you really need to get a hobby.  If you truly knew me you would not repeat what has been said because you would know these things are untrue.  Don’t think you’re hurting me, because you are not.  I am moving on to bigger and better things and this little bump in the road is just one more obstacle for me to be thankful for.  Why thankful? Because it’s just one more thing reminding me how strong I am.  I always dust myself off and keep going.  This time isn’t any different.  When one door closes, another one opens.  Right now, I’m facing a whole hallway of open doors.  And I’m smiling.  This is MY world, you just live in it. =)

_____ is getting on my nerves

Today has just been one of those days where everything is getting on my nerves.  In an attempt to purge my brain of these minor annoyances, I thought I would blog about it.  I’m not the only person who is aggravated with everything today, right?

  • Shadow, the 16 lb tub of lard, is just being needy and verbal and getting on my nerves.
  • Hurricane, the 3 year old princess is just being her non-stop-chatty-self.
  • Facebook.  Need I say more?
    • They changed the format, again.
    • People create drama and get on my nerves.
    • People post status updates and it really should be a private message to whatever person it’s directed towards.
    • Some peope share every stinking link to every stinking thing they find interesting.
  • Neighborhood kids being loud right outside my house. (Get off my lawn!!! lol)
  • Job hunting is a pain in the behind. I hate filling out online applications. Hate. It.
  • My stupid internet keeps going out making the job hunting difficult.
  • Barbie movies.  I’m sick to death of them.
  • My appetite.  I think I’m going to start chewing on the walls soon
  • My van. It’s getting older and needing more repairs.  All minor things, nothing big, but still annoying.
  • A fly that’s been buzzing around my bedroom for about 3 days.  I thought they only had a life-span of a couple days.  He needs to die already! I’ve tried unsuccessfully to squish him several times.  That buggar is fast!

In retrospect, maybe I’m just PMSing.  I would say that maybe I need a vacation, but I just had one.  *sigh* I soooo wish I was still there…

Confessions from The Crazy Lady =)

I will eventually get back to quilting and update you, whomever might be interested, on the progress of the baby quilt for my brand new neice.  Right now, I have a lot going on in my life.  While quilting may help ease some stress, I have found that I just do not have the patience for it.  I need my mind to be active, engaged, and, at times, distracted.  Quilting does none of those things for me.  Usually, when I’m quilting or doing some other task that doesn’t require much of my active attention, that’s when my mind wanders and I can think about things.  I would rather not think right now.  When I start thinking about everything that is going on, I get stressed out.  When I get stressed out I get cranky.  And eventually, depressed.  I just do not want to go there right now.  Luckily, I have some amazing friends who have helped keep my spirits high and my attitude out of the ditch.  If they are reading this, they know who they are and I can’t thank them enough for caring about me the way they do. They keep me sane without even realizing it and I couldn’t live without them.  Ok, a couple of them do realize it lol.

So while I’m sitting here avoiding contemplating my inner thoughts and feelings, I’ll explore more fun things to think about.  Like some recent confessions, or rather, observations about myself, that I have made.  I will share them with you, too, my dear readers, because I have no shame, apparently.

  • I can’t dance.  Cannot. I’m all white.  I have no rhythm or skills in this area but I still dance like nobody is watching and enjoy every second of it. That’s what life is about, right?
  • I am a great driver.  No really, I am!  *snort*  I have only had one wreck that was my fault and I ran into a barbed wire fence.  That hardly counts as a wreck! Really!  And just because I can’t find my way out of a parking lot, or back up straight, or parallel park doesn’t mean that I can’t drive.  I backed over a lawn mower one time because I couldn’t see it. It shouldn’t have been parked behind my van. Totally not my fault.  Curbs just shouldn’t be in some places.  I’m not the only one that runs over them, come on.  Just because I do not have good depth perception and have run my side mirrors into the mailbox and stuff doesn’t make me a bad driver either.  Yall agree with me, right?
  • I have no sense of direction.  None.  See the above statement about finding my way out of a parking lot.  It should also be noted that if I turn more than twice, I’m practically lost.  I cannot remember where I came from or where I’ve been.  I need landmarks when given directions.  Telling me to turn North on such-and-such street will only confuse me.  Tell me to look for the big white house with red shutters and turn right, towards some other object.  I will feel reassured that I’m actually going in the right direction.  Now, when trying to find my way back, I’m still going to be totally lost.  GPS is the BEST invention EVER!  However, it does not help one find a way out of a parking lot. I figured that out recently as well.  My van has a built-in compass and I’m telling you, that doesn’t even help me.  This is why I will not go hiking alone.  I would be lost, crying and pitiful. I would probably only be about 100 yards from civilization, but I would never figure that out because I would have NO idea where I was. Totally not kidding.
  • I am slightly ADD.  I do not have a professional diagnosis on this or anything, but that’s just gotta be it.  I can’t sit still for very long. I’ve gotten up numerous times while trying to write this blog, actually.  It’s difficult for me to sit through a movie at home.  My mind and my body want to be active.  I will keep getting up and doing things.  I have been known to play a game or mess around on the computer while watching a movie because I feel like I need to be doing something.  In the movie theater, the movie tends to hold my attention, though.  Unless it’s really long and really boring.  Then I’m sitting there DYING.  I’ll cross and un-cross my legs, reposition myself in the seat, turn around and check out the crowd behind me… I’m like a toddler when I get bored during a movie.  I’m one more boring scene away from making faces at people for entertainment.  I am able, miraculously, to pay attention and be still during my 4-hour-long classes.  They hold my attention, most of the time, because I am there to learn and I’m fascinated by my chosen field.  If I was in something boring, like, oh, English Comp. 101, for example, I would have a very hard time paying attention or staying focused.  I find my mind wandering at the most inappropriate times, too.  It’s not that I’m bored! I just can’t help it.  I sometimes miss what a friend has said to me and have to ask them to repeat it because I’ve gotten distracted by something.  Or I will give them a polite “uh huh” out of habit and they know I’m not paying attention because that wasn’t an appropriate response.  Bless their hearts though, my friends just understand that I’m “not right.”
  • I’m just weird about some things.  I have too many quirks to list here.  If I did, you people would think I’m psycho, I’m sure.  Just know that I have strange ways when it comes to certain things.  Like my personal space, for example. I can feel a couple of my friends rolling their eyes right now because they know exactly what I’m talking about. I will freak out in a crowd.  Too many people in close proximity to me makes me crazy.  Really.  That’s just one example.  I’ll leave it at that.
  • I have a twisted sense of humor. I find humor in things that most people wouldn’t think are funny.  I laugh at myself quicker than anyone else I know.  Along the same lines, I am a smartass.  I was born a smartass, I will die a smartass.  It’s who I am. If a twisted sense of humor and smartass wit offend you, then you would not like to be around me.  I’ve always said that you either love me and laugh with me or I offend the hell out of you.  There seems to be no grey area.  I’m ok with that.  I’ve found that the people who are offended by me are mostly people who do not have a sense of humor.  I can, and do, censor myself at appropriate times, don’t worry.  When I’m in a relaxed environment, around friends, and especially when I’m drinking adult beverages, however, my filter is turned off and there is no telling what you’re likely to hear come out of my mouth.  You’ve been warned.
  • About that censoring thing: I still can’t get away with anything.  I am very expressive without even trying.  People who know me well will tell you that I don’t have to say a word.  Whatever I’m thinking will be written all over my face. My friends find this quite entertaining, let me tell ya.  I will keep my mouth shut in an attempt to be polite, but my true feelings are reflected in the expression on my face.  I do not do this on purpose.  I can’t help it.  I’ve even tried to have a blank expression. It’s just not possible for me.  I would be the worst poker player on the planet.  People have burst out laughing at me before because of a look on my face that I wasn’t even aware I was making.  For this reason, I do not lie. What’s the point? I can’t get away with it.  Nevermind that I’m going to forget I told a lie and then eventually tell on myself later, anyway.  That is, if I was successful at fooling someone in the first place.

Ok, that’s enough confessions from The Crazy Lady for one day!  If you didn’t know me before, maybe this helps you understand the person behind the blog just a bit more.  Or you may just stop reading my blog because you think I’m psycho.  Either way, confession (and reflection) are good for the soul and ego.  Just when you think you’re awesome (which I totally am, by the way), take a step back and list some of your quirks or faults.  Humble yourself.  And don’t forget to laugh about it.

Dancing is great cardio!

Ok, here’s the background info on this post:  I went in search of a song on Youtube that I really like.  After seeing the video, I decided that I HAVE to learn this cool dance they do.  Yes, that’s right folks.  I’m thirty-something years old and I want to do a dance from a music video.  Shut up.  This is MY world, you just live in it.  Once I learn this dance and can impress, like, my kids with it, you’ll be all jealous of my mad skills.  Just wait and see. =)

So anyway… as I went in search of tutorials to learn to do the main dance move (shut up, I hear you snickering) I realize this crap is a lot harder than it looks!  Stop laughing!  I’m WHITE, people.  I have no rhythm.  None.  I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld.  Seriously.  But I am determined to learn this cool dance!  People who dance just know how to do it and make it look easy.  It’s not!  I have worked up quite a sweat tonight.  And then it dawned on me… this is FUN and I’m working out! OMG folks!  I have found a workout I can do!  I can dance in my kitchen, in my socks, where nobody can see me or laugh at me, and get a workout.  No more Jillian making me want to punch her in the face!  I don’t think I’ll ever have an opportunity to go dancing so I can use any of these moves I’m trying to learn, but dammit I’ll look GREAT dancing around my kitchen LMAO.

What am I trying to learn to do, you ask?  Well I’ll share it with you, so you can be cool like me.

“Everybody be shufflin!” =)  Come on, you KNOW you wanna do it…. look cool AND get your cardio in.  Win/Win!!

What do women want?

Boy, that is a loaded question.  It depends on what you’re asking us about.  What do we want in a car? A piece of jewelry? Our career? We will give you many different answers to the same questions.  Why? Because sometimes, we don’t even know what we want.  Our wants and needs change as we age, mature, and experience life.  What we thought we MIGHT want as a teenager, is nowhere near what we want in our 30’s.  Especially when it comes to men.  Now that’s the age-old question.  What do women want from men?

I’ll tell you, from my perspective, what women want.  We want a man who is confident without being cocky.  He isn’t insecure.  One who isn’t afraid to cry, but not whiney.  A man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it.  We want a man who has goals and ambitions in life but isn’t just a dreamer.  He needs to be strong but also have a soft side.  Manly and macho but also sensitive.  He should be a hard worker but not a workaholic.  He loves children, elderly people, and his Mama.  He’s a Mama’s boy, but without the umbilical still attached.  He is kind to animals.  He isn’t afraid to speak his mind or his opinions, but he’s not overbearing and controlling.  He can express his hurt and anger without screaming, name-calling, cursing, or hitting.  He NEVER abuses women or children in any way.  He isn’t a drunk or an addict.  He cares about his appearance without being narcissistic.  He can be naughty and/or nice at the appropriate times.  He understands that women are complicated creatures.  We need nurturing, a challenge, and a sense of humor.  He must also be patient.  He must have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at himself as well as the world around him.  He is a “fix-it” kind of guy, but knows when “fixing” isn’t helpful.  Sometimes when we cry, we just want to be held.  There’s nothing to “fix.”  Just let us cry and know that you’re there for us.  Please take notes, fellas.    If he is unsure of what HE wants, then he’ll never figure out what women want. The most important traits in a man: Honesty, integrity, sincerity, and respect. Period.

A couple of points that I want to expand on: patience and challenge.  When I say that women need a challenge, I don’t mean that we view men a something we need to mold, shape, and change.  Or at least I don’t.  I mean that we need someone to challenge our wit, sense of humor, and intellect.  Without a challenge, we become bored.  If you’re a “yes man” or a “doormat” we will bore with you even quicker.  Have an opinion.  Know what you like, what you want, and what you need.  As for patience, this one should be a no-brainer, but apparently it’s not.  Men need to have patience with women. As I said, sometimes we just don’t know what we want yet.  We may change our minds many times about things.  If a man wants to hang on for the ride, then he needs to step up to the plate and make sure she knows that he’s worth it.  If he doesn’t make it known that he’s serious, that he wants to be with her, that he is going to do what it takes to be with her, then she may assume the opposite and move on.  Another thing about women that men should be patient about is our moods.  Yes, we are complicated, hormonal, emotional beings.  Learn to live with it, or stay single.  A lot of our reaction is centered around your actions, or lack thereof.  If you ask stupid questions, you will get an appropriate response depending on the level of her exasperation with you.  Just sayin’.

Bottom line: women are complicated.  Figure out what YOU want, guys, and then go after it.  If you’re willing to put in the effort, find the right woman for you, and hang on for the ride, then she will make it all worthwhile. On the flip-side though, if you find a woman who truly doesn’t know what she wants, and she’s flaky, then refer back to my comment about what YOU want, fellas.

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries